¡What goes around comes around and it's always so funny!

When it comes to talking about love and relationships, I must say the more we grow, the more we realize that it isn’t so simple because day by day we agree to live in a more complicated world than a peaceful journey in a cabin with our beloved-one. At the same time, we are wiser to deal with love in the simplest way for us: we know better what we want and we can learn that, instead of always following our feelings, love is a decision. We must remember this day by day especially when the person we married vomits in front of us or ask us a beer while he's playing with the hairs of his belly in front of the television.

I had never made a list to protect myself in dates. Normally, the only question was: ¿Is he really interested in a commitment? In Indonesia, after read a lot of complaints and see how easily some men show some interest in me, I found some ridiculous questions in my mind:

- ¿Is he attracted to me because I’m a European and he told me he wants to work in Europe, but it isn’t easy to get a visa?

- ¿Is he thinking that my family has a lot of money, even after I tell him I'm broke?

- ¿Is he unconsciously thinking that I'm worth because a lot of Indonesians believe that whites are more intelligent? (¿When will they finally understand when they are usually happier than us and this is a prof of intelligence?)

-¿Is he thinking it will be easier to have sex with a white woman? (Once I read in a forum that many Indonesian believe that we are like Paris Hilton)

I felt ashamed of such ideas and tried to delete them asap, especially because all the Indonesian men really want to know if I am OK and if I’m surviving, showing compassion for my economic situation.

Maybe I'm helping we see a lot of young and beautiful Indonesian women dating old Caucasian men. ¡But it also happens in my country or even in the religious Italy, with the master of “pussies” Silvio Berlusconi! ¿Am I really facing these prejudices when I listen my Caucasian friends telling me that all the girls they are dating want to be their girlfriends and that they want to have Caucasian boyfriends due so many different reasons, such as open-mindedness or penis size, ie only general ideas based on an example spread without truly meaning? ¡In fact, I always wanted to have a boyfriend too! ¿Am I actually changing the world when I hear these stories without doing anything about it? I don’t think so...

Therefore, the universe sent me a small gift: I feel attracted with an Indian guy, who I wanted to know in person since more then seven months ago, because my ego convinced me that he was in love with me. So when he told me he doesn’t like the fact that some women want to date him just because they love his skin and the Indian culture, I heard a voice in my mind laughing... And the situation became even funnier when I told him I supposed Bollywood, the popular Indian cinema, is bad and that nowadays be an Indian is not so cool because all the rape stories in India.

Since I'm a disaster on dates, I asked him if he had any plans to go further in his "flirting", like when you question an employee about his lack of motivation… I did it looking to an empty space while he was saying with his facial expression: "¡Please, save yourself from your own humiliation whilst you can!”. ¡Maybe he was never flirting, just being polite and pleasant in the best possible way! Of course, I’m aware that I will never see him again…

Anyway, It came to my mind that he would probably believe that I was attracted to him also because he’s Indian. The day I met him, I said his skin was beautiful and I was interested in knowing more about Indian weddings. Moreover, after he had told me that he also uses public transportation (It isn't easy to find expatriates using public transportation here because they prefer cab), I said without thinking:" ¡Wow, I love you! ¡You are my favorite expat!

From now on, I will fight against stereotypes in all my conversations and try not to use expressions like "Portuguese usually want". Some years ago in my country, we couldn’t say “she’s black” about a black woman. We must say “negro” (In English language “nigger” is the offensive word). However, everyone could say “white woman” and no one would be offended or discuss about it. I’m aware of our terrible past as settlers, but I don’t want to feed it feeding stereotypes.

Besides, I won't ever be afraid when someone show interest on me and I will certainly continue to say I love a skin’s color. There are diverse ways to combat this ‘skin dictatorial system’.

I believe it’s easier to define people according to others’ ideas and according to our own conclusions, but each situation is different. Better if we try to learn how to live without being guided by our mind. Our hearts will always give us all the answers we need in the exact moment. Just give them space and surrender all.